luggage, baggage...whatever you want to call it

Something I've been thinking about:

If you know me at all, you know that I have friend's all over the US...and some on other continents. I was talking to a friend the other night who is dealing with some deep stuff. We got to talking about how we all have our baggage, our luggage, our crap that we bring to the table of every relationship/friendship. And how we try and hide it. But the hard part is when it's gotten so big that we don't know how to take care of it anymore. Or more so that we can't hide it anymore. And I know I am very guilty of this myself. We try and hide our faults and our past and the nitty gritty of life from the people that care about us the most. Why is that? (rhetorical question that I wish I knew the answer to) The only thing I can come up with is that we are scared. Scared of being hurt, scared of letting people love you. Scared of what God truly wants for us.

I guess I myself am at a turning point in life. Wondering the 5 W's that we learned in Elementary school. Who, what, when, where & why? I don't have answers for any of them right now. And for my friends I don't have answers for you either. I wish I did. I wish I could heal the hurt that we feel. But that's all part of God breaking us. Have you ever been broken? And I'm not talking about broken bones! Have you ever been broken by God? I can only think of 1 or 2 times where I have in life. It's raw, it's painful BUT it's also necessary. It's necessary to get us to that point where we can't depend on anyone or anything. The only one left to depend on is God.

When you get to that point where there is only God to depend on. I urge you to pray. And when you can get to the point of talking or admitting or dealing with whatever it is- be sure to tell a friend. Tell someone. Tell those important people in your life that care about you the most b/c they will do more than just stand by you. They will fall to there knee's in prayer for you as well. As I ended the conversation with my friend this song came into my mind immediately.
Pray for Me by Michael W. Smith I know it's an old song. But it's so important.

To my dear friends across the US, Central America, Japan or wherever you are I will pray for you in hopes that you will pray for me.

Here is where the road divides

Here is where we realize

The sculpting of the fathers great design

Thru time you've been a friend to me

But time is now the enemy

I wish we didn't have to say goodbye

But I know the road he chose for me

Is not the road he chose for you

So as we chase the dreams were after

Chorus:

Pray for me and Ill pray for you

Pray that we will keep the common ground

Wont you pray for me and Ill pray for you

And one day love will bring us back around again

Painted on our tapestry

We see the way it has to be

Weaving thru the laughter and the tears

But love will be the tie that binds us

To the time we leave behind us

Memories will be our souvenirs

And I know that thru it all

The hardest part of love is letting go

But theres a greater love that holds us

Originally written 7/23/09

this is where we are.......

Thought #1
So I haven't written anything in a long time. And I just feel like letting it flow tonight. I've spent the last hour just flipping through peoples blogs on here and it's really interesting what people will tell the whole world. And I don't mean that in a bad way at all. I think it gives us as humans a way to air our grievances or hurts or emotions. Which is actually very therapeutic if you think about it?

Thought #2
So If you know me at all you know this year has been one HECK of a year. Probably one of the worst for me actually. One of my best friends told me I should write a country western song...it was that bad. LOL!!
2009 started off with the guy I was dating breaking up with me. Move past that about 2 weeks and the heat in my car dies. (note: it had been dying but now it was GONE) Move on another 2 weeks and BAM I get rear ended by someone 2 blocks away from my apartment. Fast forward about 4 weeks and one of the more pivotal moments of my life happened. Out of the blue I was called into an office at work and laid off. This was a complete shock to me. We all knew the economy wasn't doing well, but we were assured we would be fine.

So there I went walking out the door with nothing. Literally.
Even when we have nothing we still have God right? I keep telling myself things like this. For the last week or so I've been listening to God is in Control by Steven Curtis Chapman. It's been pretty therapeutic for me. (many a tears shed)
It starts of by saying:

This is not how it should be

This is not how it could be

This is how it is

And God is in Control

And goes on to Say Holy, Holy, Holy is our God

And we finally really understand what it means

So we'll sing Holy, Holy, Holy is our God

While we are waiting for that day

That's where I'm at. Trying to understand what all this really means. I know bad things happen and we have to get through them. And this is something I have to get through. And when I do I know I'll be stronger for it. I'm just wanting answers from God on Why? What are you trying to teach me?

Then I hear the part that says:

This is not where we planned to be
When we started this journey
This is where we are
Our God is in Control
Though this first taste is bitter
There will be sweetness forever
When we finally taste and see our God is in Control.

This certainly is not where I planned to be in life right now. I'm on the 10th month of being unemployed. I thought I'd have a job within months of being let go or at least by the end of summer. The holidays have come and gone and we are in a new year. And still nothing. It blows me away. I try not to lose hope that the phone will ring one day for another interview, but it never does at least not yet. So I'm thinking this is the bitter part of life right now. This season of life, this year..it's been bitter.

And one day again I'll have the sweetness. But for right now...ice cream is about the closest I'll get to sweetness. It'll have to do.